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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Stream of Consciousness: Mission Completion

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31 days ago I decided to challenge myself to post every day. I wanted to see if I could really do it. It was NaBloPoMo but I didn't sign up. I wanted to do this on my terms and be accountable to myself.

And I succeeded. My blog has had 31 different post and I feel accomplished. I actually took the time each day to post. Same days were easier than others and obviously some post are beter.

I only gained 1 or two more follwers but didn't gain anymore comments. If I am honest, that kind of hurts. Either what I'm saying isn't worthy of comments or my writing really blows. my ego is a bit bruiosed even if I did accomplish my goal.

Will I continue to post 7 days a week? Probably not. While it has become habit to think about a nightly post, there were times all I wanted to do was go to bed. But I pushed myself to post, to make it to the end. I'm glad I did...it feels goOd.
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Saturday, July 30, 2011

I Wish


I wish I had not taken the days before kids for granted.

I wish I had traveled a bit more, by planes, trains and automobile.

I wish my house would clean itself.

I wish I could get one good nights sleep, at least once a week.

I wish I wasn't terrified of going out with two kids, alone.

I wish people that call you their friend, would act like it.

I wish I would get a few more comments on this blog.

I wish time would slow down. And speed up.

I wish we won the lottery so my husband doesn't have to work so hard.

I wish we owned a beach house. And a mountain home. Okay, a vacation home period.

I wish my son wasn't so stubborn. Wonder who he gets that from?

I wish I didn't always feel so tired.

I wish I loved running. Would be easier to lose weight if I did.

I wish I wasn't addicted to sugar. I blame it for my weight. Along with my last pregnancy.

I wish motherhood didn't seem so lonely.

I wish I had time for a real hobby.

I wish all the posts in my head would write themselves.

I wish I could have a conversation with my husband during daylight hours.

I wish we could make a decision about moving and not worry about it so much.

I wish....what do you wish for?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Hotel Blues

So here I am again, a nice, comfy, quiet hotel, but alas it's not home.

The other day before work I made Spencer one of these nifty, easy to make, and ultra cheap sprinklers to play in. A little PVC, a little glue, drill a few holes, wait 15 minutes and we have lots of smiles! Best $5.00 spent recently. As I went out for dinner this evening, it was 101 degrees...seriously. My mind kept drifting home thinking, what a great day to play in the water!

If only I was home... Mommy has a tough job, and she is awesome. Daylight to dark, there is no rest, and sometimes none even after. I know there are days when she can dream of trading me places for just a little while. You know the days....baby that for whatever reason seems to be cranky all day. Toddler climbing over your shoulder as the baby just pooped on you. Those days. Just for a little while. Just a day of relaxing in a cool quiet room, alone with your thoughts or the ability to read or watch a little TV. She deserves it and sometimes probably needs it whether it shows or not.

Me? I get way more of those days than I want...sometimes I really wish I could trade her for a while too.....

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Haiku for You

The night flys on by,

And yet the days linger on,

I think of much sleep.

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Not hard to see where I'm coming from is it? For the longest time I was free of migraines and then the last few days they have returned. Usually I can knock them out with caffeine but even that didn't help this week. I fear my head is aching because of lack of sleep. I mean real, good, undisturbed rest. And yet I know now that I can kiss that good-bye. The only truly free time I have is at night and no matter how hard I try...I can never get to bed at a decent time. I use to be a night owl! Staying up late was easy...and it still is. I just hate the way I feel come morning. Ugh!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Have a Job

I have a job.

I'm on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I am responsible for dirty diapers, spit up, snotty noses, tantrums, playing games, making meals, teaching abc's and 123's. I take care of bath time, bed time and in between time. I make up silly songs. I make funny noises.

I get up early and go to bed late. I get up in the middle of the night. Sometimes more than once. I hear my name all day. I interpret crying, whining and screams. I make boo-boos better with a kiss. The naughty step is a friend of mine.

I have a uniform. It consist of yoga pants and a t-shirt. And a pony tail. Sometimes I get to wear makeup. Eating a meal without having to share or have someone in my lap is a small luxury. Taking a shower is a big luxury.

I get paid, daily. I get paid with hugs, laughs and kisses. Sometimes I get paid with a big grin and a snuggle. Or a happy coo and a sigh.

I have a job. I take pride in my job. It's called motherhood.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Cooking Made Easy

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...I hate to cook. Which is funny because I really like to eat. Especially good food and if I don't have to prepare it myself? Well that's a perfect meal in my eyes.

I think my dislike for cooking evolved because of the amount of time it seemed my mother spent in the kitchen. She enjoys cooking and does it very well. But I felt like she was always in there. And always eating last. I had no desire to learn any recipes or tricks. I always said I would marry a man that could either cook for himself or afford for us to eat out every night.

Now just because I don't like to cook, doesn't mean I can't. I do very well at following recipe instructions and of course have the meals I can prepare by heart. I also have taken liberty with a few recipes and made them my own. But I'd still rather have someone else do the cooking. And the cleaning. But to be fair I will clean if someone else cooks. Fair is fair.

Once we became parents and our first little one joined us at the table, meals became a little harder. It wasn't that we were eating bad, it was the lack of variety. We began to realize that we were eating the same meals weekly. Or going out a lot because of poor meal planning or last minute planning.

And in the end it was the poor meal planning that really did us in...we had food but didn't have any idea what to make for dinner each night. It seemed like breakfast would just be over and it was time for lunch and then dinner. I couldn't know what I wanted for dinner just after breakfast and so I grew aggravated. I would see these shows about saving money when grocery shopping by meal planning. You would buy what was on sale and make your menu from those sale items. Genius, right? It is...for someone that has a love of cooking or a lot of recipes under their belt. For me? More aggravation!

And then I saw someone on Twitter tweet about e-mealz. It was the tweet that saved my meals! What exactly is E-Mealz? Well they plan weekly menus based on what's on sale at your local area supermarkets. That's right the same concept that I'd been hearing about right here at my finger tips. I have a link on the side...go ahead and take a look.

The service is not free but cost 15$ for 3 months. Trust me, it is well worth it. I don't cook all the meals on the weekly menu but it gives me peace of mind knowing I have what I need to make 7 different meals if I wanted. And the recipes are good! We haven't had a bad one yet. But the best part is now we have options! I can look at the menu for the week and not feel stressed about thinking about what we are going to eat. I just have to pick and voila, aggravation gone.

I wish I could say I was giving away a free 3 month membership...but alas this review is truly based on my hate of cooking and meal plannings. And I'm just not that cool of a blogger to get deals like that! Oh well...maybe in my next blog life.  If you have any questions about the service, please feel free to email me or leave a comment.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: What To Say

You know the Sunday drill....

I have been sitting here for almost an hour, knowing I need to post but not sure of what I want to say. I actually got up this morning with several ideas that I wanted to give a go at and now they have all disappeared from my mind. It's been a long day. The kids have been waking before 7 and I am looking forward to the end of day light savings time. I don't know if it will make them sleep longer, but it's what I have in my head.

I have a week to go with my goal to post every day for 31 days. Keeping track has really made the month fly by. I didn't think I'd be able to stick with it but it's actually refreshing to know that I can actually set a goal for myself anf complete it. If only I culd do the same about working out. I think next month I will challenge myself to get back into writing some fiction. And then when NaNoWriMo comes along I will be ready to possibly tackle that...

Every notice how long 5 minutes seems when you have nothing to say or just want to get away? Or how short it is when you just want 5 more minutes? Amazing how that is, isn't it?

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Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Party? No, It's Potty Time!

First registering for preschool and now potty training. I've been putting it off for weeks now because let's be honest...diapers are easy. Even when they are full of poop and stink to the high heavens. You clean up the mess, put a new one on and go on your way.

Yesterday I told Spencer today we there would be no more diapers except for when he goes to sleep. He seemed to understand and this morning I gave him the option of underwear or naked. Guess what he chose? Yep, naked. He didn't even flinch when I gave the option.

We had bought him a frog potty months ago in hopes of training him before baby Girl arrived but I was too hormonal to want to really put forth the effort. Plus I was afraid he would regress once she arrived. But today I pulled old froggy potty out and put him near the bathroom door.

I asked him all day if he had to pee and reminded him that if he felt like he did he had to go in the potty. He sat on the frog several times but never did anything. Except for a few funny toots, which made him laugh. (Boys and their fart humor!) Other than that, we didn't have one accident.

It was a rough day for us as tantrums were in full effect and by lunchtime I had had my fill. I mandated today we would all nap. Out came a diaper for Spencer and after fighting me for an hour he fell asleep. And peed. In his diaper. I didn't make a big deal about it. Just took the diaper off after his nap and let him roam free again for the rest of the day.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I will continue leaving him naked if he chooses. I may also bring out a reward chart and give him stickers if he does something beside sit on the pot. If that doesn't work I may have to up the ante. Maybe a toy if he goes?

I'd gladly take any and all suggestions. This was the one part of parenting I did not look forward to!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Baby Steps

Today I did it. I sent in the registration form and money for Spencer to attend "preschool" twice a week for a few hours. I didn't think about it too much, just did it. I needed to do it last year and could not cut the strings from him just yet. I was pregnant and hormonal and just wasn't ready.

But now? Now I am ready. He is ready. He enjoys seeing other kids and trying to interact with them and I feel bad that he doesn't see many kids. Especially his own age, This will be good for him and good for me. I can run errands and make appointments and only deal with one child.

I know I will cry the first day I drop him off and he will probably not even look back at me in his excitement. At least he won't see the tears in my eyes. He's my special baby and it is so surreal to see him growing up right before my eyes. Becoming this big kid.

I remember when we brought him home from the hospital and I sat there in the back seat looking at him in his car seat. He looked so tiny and helpless. Now I look at him and wonder where my baby has gone. How quickly the time flies...next thing I know he will be getting married and I will be dancing with him at his wedding. And the tears will really be flowing then.

But until then? Baby steps...I take baby steps because he may be growing but I'm not totally ready to let him go.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

To tired for a post today. So much in my head that I need to put into words and post. Maybe tomorrow! At least we are almost to the weekend. TGIF a day early!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Wordless/Wordful Wednesday - My Favorites

This past weekend we went to North Carolina to visit my husband's family. We actually stayed pretty visit and went to a pool and also to the aquarium. These were my two favorite pictures from the weekend:

When I look at my kids...it is then I realize how blessed I truly am. Even when they drive me crazy.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Are We There Yet?

Where? To the end of the month. I'm sort of ready to not be posting every day. I do find that I am finding my time and getting something in every night but I would also like to not have to worry about it.

I remember when I first started blogging, every little thing I did I tried to look at as a blog post. Now I sometimes do the same but then I forget. Or I second guess whether the topic will be interesting.

And when that happens? You are left with a post like this. Short and sweet.

Monday, July 18, 2011

All It Takes Is One

One trip.

One "fight" on Twitter.

One post..

One idea!

That's all it took for someone to know they could do more. And so this where we are, a small way to get involved and let kids know they are not alone in this world even if when the look out into the world it would seem they are. And so Heart for Art was created. It's a simple way to do one thing and make a difference to one child.

Head over to Stay at Home Babe's  blog and check out the details on how YOU can be the difference.
Still want more information? Want a closer look at who you will be helping or want more ways you can help? Click here for more information.

One may be a lonely number but it really is all it takes to make a difference.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Memories

It's Sunday which means it's time for my regular thang...

5 minutes, no editing, just flow and go...

When I look at my kids I wonder...what will they remember about this time, right now? Anything, everything, nothing. I know Teagan is still to young and won't remember anything. But Spencer...he's 2 and talks so much and can tell us everything he did during the day. What will he remember as he gets older? Will he recall the day I had enough and yelled? Will he remember the time I wanted to treat him and took him for donuts? How do we form the things we remember...what makes them memories?

My mother always says I remember only the bad and never the good. And when I think about my childhood and even my teen years...it would seem she is partly right. A lot of what I remember isn't so great. The punishments, the chores, the over protectiveness. Where have all my happy memories gone? My childhood was not all doom and gloom but why is it that I remember it that way?

Why is it I can recall a vivid memory about something that means nothing but when I try to remember a special birthday or holiday I come up with nothing? Am I doing this purposely. Maybe I need to be hypnotized? Talk things out with a therapsit?

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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Rockin' the Baby

                                                              
Another great linkup with Shell over at Things I Can't Say. After her last linkup she got baby fever...and there is nothing more a mommy likes to do than show off her kids. So without further ado...some pics of my favorite little people:

A few a Spencer, a few of Teagan. It is amazing how fast they grow and right before my eyes. There are days I know I will miss the way they fit in the crook of my arm. *sigh*

Friday, July 15, 2011

Friday Rewind

I'm linking to a post I did back in November about "Other Mothers." I thought it was a good one and why not re-post and see if anyone agrees.

Here it is Fashionable Fridays: Other Mothers


Enjoy!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mommy versus the Children

If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you know I have two kids that are two years apart. It's been quite the lesson in patience for me. But today...today proved that after all is said and done, I am still in the learning process of handling two kids.

Let me set the scene...both children were kind enough to wake up after 7...7:15to be exact. Both little faces seemed to be in good spirits and so instead of pleading with them to go back to sleep, we started the day.

My toddler, who usually easy going for breakfast decided he wanted nothing but cookies for breakfast. He screamed, he hollered, he pleaded. I laid out his normal breakfast items after telling him there were no cookies. He didn't eat anything but a cup of juice. Toddler 1, Mommy 0

Time to tend to my infant who was more fussy than usual and looked like she wanted to fall asleep, she didn't. She also didn't want to eat. I held her, I rocked her, I played with her. Nothing seemed to work and she just whined and cried. Infant 1, Mommy 0

I rarely take both kids out by myself. I just have not acquired the nerves it takes to do so. Actually, I do take them out but only if their is a drive-thru involved, otherwise I usually stay close to home. So what possessed me to attempt a trip to a clothing store with both kids? I didn't really need anything but off we went.

My infant whined and fell asleep once we reached our destination. The toddler proceed to scream at her until she was awakened and then laughed at doing so. I explained to him that it was not nice. I also explained what we were doing and the behavior I expected. I missed the mischievous twinkle in his eye.

We walked from the parking lot to the store with no issues. My toddler happily talked as we walked. He was obviously trying to put me at ease. And he did. I grew confident and began wondering why I hadn't done this before. And then we entered the store...

The toddler decided everything I had told him in the car was just for fun. He proceeded to hide in the clothing racks and shake his sister's stroller. His sister proceeded to whine, cry and fuss. I began to feel the sweat accumulate as my patience grew thinner and thinner. I pleaded with both children. I scolded in hushed tones. I threatened. To no avail.

I finally go to the fitting room in hopes of gaining some control. And there...there I am greeted with the stench of death. That's right my toddler has filled his diaper. In a store with NO public bathroom. It's as if it was his ultimate way of saying "I am crapping on your rules."

I barely make it to a restroom with my sanity. At that point I am full on sweating. The infant has not stopped fussing and only wants to be held. I wave the white flag...we are done. The children have won, victory is theirs.

I am sure there will be a next time. I just have to have better battle plans. And backup.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

How Do You Know?

O.K., so I will go ahead and put it out there....I am not a writer. There...that's done, just so no one has their expectations too high. However, the blog needs a post, and Mommy is at home with an upset little girl who got shots today. And Daddy is not there to help, so here it goes.

Speaking for/to the dads out there, how do you know you are doing a good job? And what exactly constitutes a good job when it comes to Dad? I constantly lie in bed, wondering, how well am I doing? It seems as if there are never enough hours in the day, and for me personally, never enough days in the week, as I am usually on the road at least half of them. It's easy to watch mommy as she goes through the daily grind, knowing virtually everything she does is for her babies, and know WOW! she is doing an awesome job. For me not so much. I am away, days at a time. Time that I cannot regain, no matter how hard I try.

When I get home, all I want to do is spend time with my babies. And I try. And life still tries to get in my way. All the things that had to be done before kids still need to be done. Been gone for 4 days? No matter. The grass still needs to be cut. Bills need to be sent out, more time taken away. Something broke? Someone has to fix it. Trash, groceries, cars, and all the random things that pop up seemingly everyday that have to be done. I try and make time to play outside, go to the pool, or the park, or something. If nothing else, take little man with me to do errands....at least I have him with me.

I try to convince myself that a good dad makes sacrifices. Mine is making it so mommy can be home with our children. Mommy will raise them rather than someone I don't even know. Making it so they will have the ability to go to college, without a burden of debt just so they can make it in this world. Giving them all of what they need, and a little of what they want. I feel like as a dad, this is my job, my responsibility. I don't mind it at all, I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to do such things.

Sometimes I just wonder if I am hitting the right balance. I lie in bed and I KNOW mommy is doing a great job. I just want to lie there and know that I am too. How do you know?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

This Is the Day

This is the day that I ran out of ideas.

This is the day that I want nothing more than to sleep and so my blog will suffer.

This is the day I post something and it qualifies as crap.

This is the day...but tomorrow is another and I can hope and do better.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Day 11

Here I am at day 11 of blogging every day. I must admit, it's hard. I find I am using my Blackberry a lot more to write when an idea hits. This is both good and bad. Good because hey, I'm doing it. Bad because it looks like I am stuck to my phone. But if I didn't use my phone? I definitely don't think I would be at day 10 without a miss.

I thought the hardest part would be finding the time to write but that's actually the easy part. The hardest part is finding a daily topic and writing about it well. Fellow blogger Kevin over at Super-Daddy complained about lack of ideas as well. He and I decided to take on this challenge and cheer each other to the finish.

Neither one of us are what you would call hard core, must post every day type of bloggers. And for me, I am okay with that. I mainly use my blog for writing practice and to get thoughts out of my head. Oh, and the occasional children update complete with pictures. I'm not looking to make money. Or a big name for myself. Remember? I know I will never be great.

And you know what? I'm still okay with that. So I will plug on for this month and see what day 31 brings. I will either be burnt out on blogging or eager for another month of posting every day. But if you know me at all...it will be the former!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: When Is Enough, Enough?

Time for the infamous Stream of Consciousness Sunday. 5 minutes of your day to dump the mind. No shirt, no shoes? No problem!



I don't write these post with a topic in mind. I usually just go with the flow about what I am feeling and let the writer in me take over. I know a lot of times I write about how my SAH life is making me feel and I appreciate the comments. More than some of you can ever know.

Today I want to write but am afraid to share details. Mainly because I haven't wrapped my head around the details of what has happened. But as I try to come to terms the only recurring question is when is enough, enough?

When do you stop excusing someone's behavior because they are family? Or do you? If the person is a repeat offender and refuses to acknowledge their wrong doing time and time again...should you cut them off?

It is sad when someone is so insecure, so paranoid that they lash out. They have no filter in their anger and do or say things that can not be undone. They open wounds that get to a point where they can never be healed. Each scar deeper than the one before.

When is enough, enough? For me it is when what I love the most is not respected that way is deserves to be.

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Saturday, July 9, 2011

Things I Know

Sometimes it feels like I don't know enough. I feel as my children get older, I know less and less. There was a time I felt brilliant, like I could take on the world. Now I can only take on my tiny portion of the world but these are the things I know for sure:



1.) Nobody can make you happy until you make yourself happy. But if you step on some ones heart or feelings to do it...it's almost a sure fire way of null and voiding the happiness you seek.

2.) You can apologize for things you do and say. But actions speak louder than words. If you aren't truly sorry, it will be evident.

3.) Marriage is a two person job. Period. If there are more than two people involved in your marriage? It's not going to work. Ever hear the saying too many cooks in the kitchen? That applies here.

4.) Sometimes going home isn't so great. Even when you are an adult. Sometimes it just reminds you of why you left and were happy to go.

5.) Money doesn't buy happiness but it can make you content. But if it's the only thing you look for in another person....that content feeling will only last so long.

6.) When people ask for advice, they are asking you to tell them what they already know. But don't be surprised if they don't take the advice. When you know something in your heart...doing something about it, is hard.

I am sure I know a lot more things, even if I feel knowledge slipping away from me. For now this will have to do. What about you? What do you know?

Friday, July 8, 2011

Friday Five from Florida

A few bloggers use this format for a quick Friday post, so I decided why not try it myself? Here we go:



1.) You don't get use to the humidity in Florida. Ever. I believe you can set a record for how fast you start sweating in under 2 minutes. It's that bad and when you move out of the state? You never miss it.

2.) The state is pretty big. You can drive for 5 or 6 hours straight and still be within state lines. Having a stay-cation takes on a different meaning when you live in Florida. There are always new things to see or do!

3.) Bugs. You can't get away from them! From the mosquito to the water bug to the love bug. Every season brings out a new enemy. And every year they seem worse than the year before...ugh!

4.) All tourist are not bad drivers and all bad drivers are not tourist. Yeah, I said it. Some of the sketchiest driving is done by residents!

5.). Watching the shuttle launch or hearing the sonic boom when it returns never gets old! It is breathtaking and I am sad that there will be a generation(s) that won't ever experience it.

Those are my five and I'm sticking to them! Happy Friday.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Rewarding Bad Behavior

When we have children, we as parents are responsible for their behavior. We reward good behavior and punish the bad. It's logical, right? Then why is it as a society we have turned this concept on its head?

I admit it, I watched bits and pieces of the Casey Anthony trial. I was saddened by the death of a child as old as my own son. I wanted someone to pay and who better than the mother of that child. The person that was suppose to love her unconditionally and protect her.

In the court of public opinion, she was guilty. But according to the legal system, she is not. While I don't agree, I understand. But what I can't understand? Is paying her to tell her story. Letting her get rich off of her daughter's death...in essence, rewarding her for her disgusting behavior.

But she is not alone. Reality TV has introduced us to faux-lebrities that are rewarded for the drama they create in front of the camera. Drunk and lewd behavior? Sign them up and show the world. And then pay them. I've seen things on TV that make me blush and I'm the furthest thing from a prude.

It needs to stop! We need stop wanting to watch these shows and hear these stories. We need to stop paying people for doing every day things in front of a camera. We are setting up our kids to have nonexistent moral compasses. When we ask them to dream big and achieve greatness, they will reply with why? Why work so hard when they can act like idiots and get paid for it.

And I don't know what's worse...teens acting like fools for the camera or adults. I've seen my fair share of so-called "classy" women, who are moms flip tables, pull hair, throw drinks and have sex on a first date. What message does this send to their own kids? Much less the impressionable minds tuning in? That after behaving this way there is a book deal, made for TV movie or speaking engagement waiting for you.

Is there a solution to this epidemic? Not really...as long as there is an audience, there will be someone willing to pay for the audacious behavior. But we better be prepared because soon we may have these same idiots running the world. And I'm afraid...very afraid!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Wordless/Wordful Wednesday - Brother and Sister

Here are my children at about the same age. I see some similarities but not much...they are each their own little person and I love it!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I Am Latina


I consider myself Latina. If you must know I am Puerto Rican. And while I don't speak Spanish fluently, I understand it and can read it pretty well. Even if I don't always know what I am reading. And though my mother says differently, I was never forced to speak Spanish. Even though my grandparents didn't speak much English. I wish I had been forced to learn the language, because learning it in school? Not the same thing. I took it for several years and never learned anymore than I already knew.

People will ask if I am proud of my heritage. And I am. I don't hide what I am. Even though growing up I found it hard to fit in. If you look a certain way, or are different than what people are use to, they categorize in what they know. But it wasn't an issue until we moved to Florida. It was either 1982 or 83. Florida wasn't really a melting pot and the town we had moved to was unincorporated. I didn't have a hard time the first year but I looked different. I wasn't dark enough to be black or light enough to be white. My hair wasn't straight enough for me to be Mexican.

But the real issue started when I began 5th grade in a private school. Along with my tan skin and curly hair, I had a snaggletooth. Had I spoken Spanish fluently, it would have helped things. But since I didn't, I was once again this person that people could not put into a nice box. I remember a friend asking me one day "What are you?" I was confused and asked her to clarify. As far as I knew, I was human. But that's not what she meant, she meant my race. I told her I was Puerto Rican. (Which isn't a race, but a nationality.) She thought I was mulatto, a mix of both black and white.

High school was easier because the school was bigger and in 4 years Florida had begun to change. There were more people that looked like me and who were also Puerto Rican. I suddenly didn't have to fit in a box. But I didn't really know my culture. The other Hispanic kids all spoke Spanish fluently and so now I was sort of an outcast to my own kind. But I was happy to be friends with all races/nationalities and my biggest struggle during the high school years was just trying to figure out who I wanted to be, in typical teen fashion.

College was a whole other ballgame. Suddenly I felt pretty, beautiful even. I I could fit in just about anywhere, with anyone. I didn't have friends of just one race or nationality. I didn't date just one race or nationality, I was an equal opportunity employer. I was also in a large and diverse city. I could be whoever I wanted and from wherever I wanted. But I still hadn't come to terms with my culture or even my nationality.

What does it mean to be a Latina? When I look to my family to help me out, I realize we have assimilated quite nicely into the white culture. And that's okay. But as I get older, I want more. I want my children to know and be okay with telling people they are half Spanish. I want to know more about my culture and my nationality. I want to do more than vacation on the island of Puerto Rico. I want to be able to pass on traditions to my children. I want my children to be able to speak the language.

It has taken me a long time to accept that my hair will never be naturally straight. That my skin will always be tan. And that I may not look like what Hollywood says a Latina should look like. (Jennifer Lopez, Selma Hayek) But even with my curly hair, tan skin and fiery attitude? I am Latina.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July



Our nation's birthday. It's a wonderful thing to be celebrating, even if we are a young country. We take a moment to remember what makes us a great nation, as we watch the fireworks light up the sky. Unless you're a parent with young kids.

That's right, I never minded the 4th and the celebrations that go along with it until I became a mom. For the past two years I've had a child that could easily been named worst sleeper. So any noise puts me on edge. I even skulk around my own home so you can imagine what the 4th is like. Or if you're in my neighborhood...the 2nd, 3rd and 5th as well.

The weekend that leads up to the 4th is a good one with picnics, grilling, the beach. So while you're out there enjoying the day and it turns to night...say a little prayer for the parents that are at home. That are praying the booming outdoors doesn't wake the kids!

Happy Fourth!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Words

It's that time again. Time for me to dump my mind and do it all in 5 minutes.
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I use to pride myself on being able to tell someone exactly what I thought. Of them, of their opinions, of my opinions. And I don't mean in a way that would be hurtful, but I just was never at a loss for words. I always had something to say. Sometimes too much. But lately? Lately it seems I don't have the words.

My husband can ask me something and I truly look at him sometimes and wonder why he is even asking me. I don't want to make a decision. I just want someone to do it for me and tellme how I should feel or think. Is this what happens to mom's after they have children? Is this part of what I now deem the "mom rut." 

I am in this rut, I am fighting to get out. To not feel burnt out. TO not feel like I am going to burst. To tell my husband how he can help me. But I just don't have the words.They are jumbled in my mind, on the tip of my tongue and I can't seem to spit them out.

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Saturday, July 2, 2011

Let's Go to the Movies



So yesterday I finally got a chance to take Spencer to the movies for the first time. I didn't know how he would react and so we decided if we were going to do this, Cars 2 was the movie to see. I had read reviews over at Common Sense and was a bit worried. I want to be a good parent and not expose my child to things he isn't ready for...so the husband went to see the movie a few days before. He said the theme of the movie would be over Spencer's head but that all the violence wasn't anything he thought Spencer would be upset over.

I guess I should have been the parent with a camera and truly documented this momentous first, but I didn't. I was more worried about how he would react to a dark theater and whether he would sit still for almost two hours. Thankfully the idea of sharing a popcorn with mommy was enough to get him to forget the theater was dark. He walked right in and asked "What's this?" We had already gone over the fact that we were going to see a movie. Which he happily repeated quite a few times until the movie started.


We went to the first showing of the movie and there were a handful of parents there with their own kids. Back when Hubby and I went to the movie regularly, I liked halfway up and in the middle. Thankfully all theaters have stadium seating now, so most seats are pretty good. I picked a spot and we sat. Spencer was entranced in eating popcorn and not long after we were seated the previews began.

I must admit, I think the sound in the theater was loud. Like overly so. No one else seemed to mind but I worried that it might scare Spencer. It didn't. He was entranced by the big screen. And that lasted until about 15 minutes into Cars 2. I could see him trying to make sense of the movie. And he was amused to see his old friends, Lightning and Mater but that's about it. About 20 minutes in he began to get restless. And by the time the movie got to its climax, he was sitting in my lap. He even asked to go. I was tempted to go...but I hadn't been to a movie in so long that I just cuddled with him. It bought me time.

The movie was well done and cute. Down in a James Bond theme, I think it was geared more towards kids around 5 and up. After we left the movie Spencer didn't really talk about it. Ususally anything that piques his interest is the topic of converation for days. The only thing that seems to ave stuck was that Mater needed to save his friends. Or maybe that's a theme on a Little Einstein episode?

So there you have it..I finally get to see a movie and it's a cartoon and it's on a date with my son. And guess what? I can't wait to do it again!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Can I Do It?

I have thought about pushing myself to post every day this month. I'm not sure why....maybe to feel like I am getting at least 5 minutes to write?