When anyone asks if I enjoyed my pregnancies, my answer is always a resounding yes! I enjoyed being pregnant a lot. Maybe too much. There was something about carrying life that just seemed so beyond me. Plus...who faults a woman for eating for two or taking a nap in the middle of the morning?
We are done having children and the last time I went to the doctor for them to check my Essure procedure, it was a bit sad. The procedure was complete and everything looked good. Meaning everything was final. It was very surreal to realize that I would no longer be able to get pregnant.
But it really hit me when my sister-in-law had her first baby last month and I sat in their nursery and rocked in their glider. The excitement was palpable as we waited for her and her husband to arrive with their bundle. And it was at that moment, in that room, sitting in their rocker that I cried. That would never be me again. I would never again have 9 months to fall in love with someone I could only feel. I would never see my stomach grow and be okay with its size. I would never be pregnant again. The tears fell and for a moment I wondered if maybe I could have handled being a mom of three...
I know that our family is complete. I can stand with my husband and watch the kids playing and am happy. Truly happy. I know for me and my sanity, that two is a perfect number. Until I had children of my own, I never really knew how much work they require. I can appreciate you mom's and dad's with more than two that make it work like a well-oiled machine.
There will probably still be moments when someone is pregnant and I will be sad, but only for one moment. I'm not bashful about my tears. They are after all, good for the soul.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! Here we are a week into the new year and I'm finally getting around to updating things around here. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas season and rang in the new year with style and surrounded by those they love.
With the new year of course come the resolutions. I was never one to make any, mainly be because anything I hoped to do I never seemed to actually be able to accomplish. And so no resolutions for me. Call it week but there is nothing worse than staying up until midnight on NYE and remembering that you had made resolutions a whole year before and can't even remember what they were.
This year I did stay up until midnight and kissed my kids and then began to think about resolutions and then realized I didn't need to call them resolutions. Instead I knew that along with changes that will be happening for our family, that there were personal changes I wanted to make as well.
The first is all about me. I am burnt out on motherhood and need a break. While I am not quite ready to take a solo vacation, I am ready to take an hour or two off each week. I need to recharge and not feel weak for doing so. As much as I want to be super mom, I can't do it. Last year I kept reading about the importance of taking time out and how more and more mom's were taking a stand. I vowed to and then let it fall by the wayside. But no more. I know now that I can not be a good mother or a good wife if I feel like I am burnt out.
The second change I want to make is to become more spiritual. I feel like I have lost my way with God and everytime he gives me a sign that he is here and waiting for me? I ignore it. I am thankful I have a God that is so forgiving and who is willing to wait for me to come back. The hardest time I am having is figuring out how to come back. I want to set a good example for my son and I also want him to be comfortable with his own spirituality. But I don't want what I do to feel fake or forced. I think I need to just pray on it.
I have a few more changes I want to implement but for now these are the bigs ones. How about you? Are you a resolution maker? Do you relish the new year and the proverbial tabula rasa we are given?
With the new year of course come the resolutions. I was never one to make any, mainly be because anything I hoped to do I never seemed to actually be able to accomplish. And so no resolutions for me. Call it week but there is nothing worse than staying up until midnight on NYE and remembering that you had made resolutions a whole year before and can't even remember what they were.
This year I did stay up until midnight and kissed my kids and then began to think about resolutions and then realized I didn't need to call them resolutions. Instead I knew that along with changes that will be happening for our family, that there were personal changes I wanted to make as well.
The first is all about me. I am burnt out on motherhood and need a break. While I am not quite ready to take a solo vacation, I am ready to take an hour or two off each week. I need to recharge and not feel weak for doing so. As much as I want to be super mom, I can't do it. Last year I kept reading about the importance of taking time out and how more and more mom's were taking a stand. I vowed to and then let it fall by the wayside. But no more. I know now that I can not be a good mother or a good wife if I feel like I am burnt out.
The second change I want to make is to become more spiritual. I feel like I have lost my way with God and everytime he gives me a sign that he is here and waiting for me? I ignore it. I am thankful I have a God that is so forgiving and who is willing to wait for me to come back. The hardest time I am having is figuring out how to come back. I want to set a good example for my son and I also want him to be comfortable with his own spirituality. But I don't want what I do to feel fake or forced. I think I need to just pray on it.
I have a few more changes I want to implement but for now these are the bigs ones. How about you? Are you a resolution maker? Do you relish the new year and the proverbial tabula rasa we are given?
Monday, December 26, 2011
What Happened Was...
See, I've come over here several times this month to get back on the blogging bandwagon and each time I was either interrupted or unmotivated. I want to be sure that when I am with my kids that I am giving them my attention. They require it for a full 13 hours a day! I know, I don't have to be in their face the entire day...but my reality is, I do.
In a normal day, when the husband is at work for 3 or 4 days and it's just me I don't have the luxury of letting the kids play together while I sip on some coffee and update the blog. Instead I'm sipping my coffee and playing referee. Or trying to keep the kids entertained and at the same time educated. There are days when I feel guilty because I so want Teagan to be enthralled by the TV. Just so I can take a breath and get through the 2nd half of the day. I just want 5 minutes where I can hear myself think without a little person invading those thoughts and asking why for the thousandth time.
And so the blogging has taken a backseat. I applaud those moms that can crank out entertaining, witty, funny post daily. I seriously thought I wanted to be that way too. But the reality is I want to be a good mom first and a blogger second. I don't want to look back at the time I've had with my kids and regret not being in the moment.
So that's where I am. Anyone still with me?
In a normal day, when the husband is at work for 3 or 4 days and it's just me I don't have the luxury of letting the kids play together while I sip on some coffee and update the blog. Instead I'm sipping my coffee and playing referee. Or trying to keep the kids entertained and at the same time educated. There are days when I feel guilty because I so want Teagan to be enthralled by the TV. Just so I can take a breath and get through the 2nd half of the day. I just want 5 minutes where I can hear myself think without a little person invading those thoughts and asking why for the thousandth time.
And so the blogging has taken a backseat. I applaud those moms that can crank out entertaining, witty, funny post daily. I seriously thought I wanted to be that way too. But the reality is I want to be a good mom first and a blogger second. I don't want to look back at the time I've had with my kids and regret not being in the moment.
So that's where I am. Anyone still with me?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Blog Lovin'
I'm not worried about GFC shutting down cause I've never moved to Wordpress. But when I saw that people were starting to uuse BlogLovin to get followers and keep followers...I figured what the heck! So go ahead and Follow my blog with Bloglovin
And for the record...in just the few minutes I was over there I found a handful of cool new blogs to check out. Don't you love how that works??
And for the record...in just the few minutes I was over there I found a handful of cool new blogs to check out. Don't you love how that works??
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Miss Me?
So it seems that I haven't updated this blog for over a month. I kept meaning to come and update and then I realized how unstressed I was about it all and just let it go. A week turned into two and so on...
I wish that I could say that I was busy giving all my writing energy to NaNoWriMo, but I wasn't. I wish I could say that I caught up on TV and movies. But I didn't. I did manage to read a great trilogy (The Hunger Games) and I even managed to say good bye to some TV shows that were clogging up the dvr.
The best part? The best part has been that I haven't been stressed about it at all. I wasn't worried about stats or losing readers or any of it. Because in a month I finally realized that I was never blogging for notoriety. The only time I wanted notoriety? Was when someone else was getting it and getting cool things because of it. I didn't really want it. If I did, I would have kept up with that very first blog I started 7 years ago. I would have rolled with the blogger punches and come out on the other side.
In a month I realized that while I enjoy blogging, I enjoy creative writing more. I enjoy the who, what, when, where of a story. I enjoy creating characters and wondering what they are going to do and say. I enjoy fiction. Blogging can be fun but I know now that it isn't what I am best at. It is rare that I sit at mt computer and the words just flow into a perfect post. It is rare that what I post truly resonates with a reader. Maybe I have not been true to myself or my blog. Maybe I have been holding back. Either way, it is okay.
I'm hoping to streamline the blog and continue to blog, when it strikes me. But I'm not going to let it worry me if suddenly another month passes.
I wish that I could say that I was busy giving all my writing energy to NaNoWriMo, but I wasn't. I wish I could say that I caught up on TV and movies. But I didn't. I did manage to read a great trilogy (The Hunger Games) and I even managed to say good bye to some TV shows that were clogging up the dvr.
The best part? The best part has been that I haven't been stressed about it at all. I wasn't worried about stats or losing readers or any of it. Because in a month I finally realized that I was never blogging for notoriety. The only time I wanted notoriety? Was when someone else was getting it and getting cool things because of it. I didn't really want it. If I did, I would have kept up with that very first blog I started 7 years ago. I would have rolled with the blogger punches and come out on the other side.
In a month I realized that while I enjoy blogging, I enjoy creative writing more. I enjoy the who, what, when, where of a story. I enjoy creating characters and wondering what they are going to do and say. I enjoy fiction. Blogging can be fun but I know now that it isn't what I am best at. It is rare that I sit at mt computer and the words just flow into a perfect post. It is rare that what I post truly resonates with a reader. Maybe I have not been true to myself or my blog. Maybe I have been holding back. Either way, it is okay.
I'm hoping to streamline the blog and continue to blog, when it strikes me. But I'm not going to let it worry me if suddenly another month passes.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Stream of Conciousness Sunday: NaNoWriMo
***
It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
***
I've been toying with the idea of trying NaNo this year. I've tried int he past and failed misrerably. Mainly because I either run out of steam or get behind in my daily writing goals. Not sure why this year will be different but I am feeling the need to get back to my creative writing. I have characters that need to speak and get out of my head. I have places that I want to describe and take these characters to. I have emotions that they need to go through.
There is the chance, actually a really good chance that I won't finish what I start. But I think that's okay. I just want to write. Writing on this blog is fun but it's not the writing that I crave to do. I think that's why I've never taken this very seriously or had long term goals for it.
I have a book in me and even if it never sees the light of day, I want to be able to say I wrote one. In it's entirety. Okay, that's a lie. I'd love to say I published one but I'd be half satisfied to say I completed one and it's sitting on my harddrive waiting to be submited. For goodness sake S. Meyer says Twilight came to her in a dang dream...and look how she's laughing all the way to the bank. I apologize to those that love the series but the writing is mediocre, at best.
So NaNoWriMo...here I come.
Want to join the Sunday fun? Click below:
Friday, October 21, 2011
Friday Fun-For All Giveaway
When you sign up for daily emails from Eversave you get the chance to score some great local and online deals, saving at least 50%! Eversave is in multiple cities and can be a great way to try something new without breaking the budget. I've bought saves for my husband (golf!) and saves for myself.
Want to win even more Save Rewards? Head on over to Facebook and participate in the Friday Fun for All, where if you share any of their saves on your wall you are entered to win $25.00 in Save Rewards! You can also follow them on Twitter.
Are you in the Atlanta area? Look at the great "fun-tivity" you could be having:
Better Baseball - an hours worth of batting practice and 10% off merchandise for only 10$! A good way to introduce the kids to baseball (or softball) or re-live your glory days of high school or college ball. Batter, batter, swing!
Baseball not your thing? How about a pony? Even better? A horse! East Cobb Stables has you covered. for $35 you can get your child a 30 minute pony ride and grooming lesson. For $50 you can get a private 60 minute horseback riding lesson. Are you a budding photographer? This could set the scene for a great locale and shots.
But if you're like me, you are looking for ways to unwind and relax your mind, body and soul. Eversave has you covered...with $15 for two yoga classes at Vista Yoga. Pick up the save and you to can be saying om all the way home. Namaste!
If you’re not from the Atlanta area, check here to view saves in a city near you!
To earn an entry in this giveaway:
1. Like Eversave Atlanta on Facebook -OR- follow @EversaveATL on Twitter, AND
2. Leave a comment on this post.
Entries are due by Monday, October 24 at 5pm EST. One lucky winner will be chosen at random and will have $15 in Save Rewards deposited into their Eversave account. Good luck!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)