Stream of Conciousness Sunday: Happy Birthday

It's been a while since I have participated in Fadra's Sunday linkup but I figured today was as good as any day...because it's my birthday. You know the drill...5 minutes, no editing, writing in the raw.

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Today I enter my late 30's and turn 37. I have never been one to get bent out of shape about my age. It happens, we can't change it, so why fret? I have always been okay with telling someone my age. Except maybe when I was 18 - 20 and needed to be 21...but I had an i.d. that said I was what I said I was. I think I still have that i.d. somewhere. I probably should put it away before the kids find it and use it against me. 

This time last year we had spent a week in N.C. First we visited the mountains and partook in admiring the wonderful changing of the leaves. It's a beautiful thing to see and when you see it from the top of a mountain you realize just how small we really are. 

After sightseeing we headed east and spent some time with Tim's family. I was about 22 weeks pregant with Teagan and we were actually letting the cat out of the bag that my belly was indeed holding a precious baby girl.

I spent my actual birthday in Raleigh and it was on this day that I had the pleasure of meeting Fadra in person. It was this day that she kindly gave me the best gift...a stroller. You can read about that here. Meeting her definitely was fun and my only regret is that we didn't get to spend more time together or get a picture together. 

And now that I think about a year ago and today...I realize one thing...it's been several years since I've had an actual birthday cake. I freaking love cake and someone has been dropping the ball. I think I will need to rectify that this year...I'm having cake, if I have to buy/make/steal it myself.

Happy Birthday to me.

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So there is my 5 minutes...give or take 3 or so minutes. Want to linkup? Need to get thoughts out of your head? Click below and join us:

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Words

It's that time again. Time for me to dump my mind and do it all in 5 minutes.

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I use to pride myself on being able to tell someone exactly what I thought. Of them, of their opinions, of my opinions. And I don't mean in a way that would be hurtful, but I just was never at a loss for words. I always had something to say. Sometimes too much. But lately? Lately it seems I don't have the words.

My husband can ask me something and I truly look at him sometimes and wonder why he is even asking me. I don't want to make a decision. I just want someone to do it for me and tellme how I should feel or think. Is this what happens to mom's after they have children? Is this part of what I now deem the "mom rut." 

I am in this rut, I am fighting to get out. To not feel burnt out. TO not feel like I am going to burst. To tell my husband how he can help me. But I just don't have the words.They are jumbled in my mind, on the tip of my tongue and I can't seem to spit them out.

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Need to dump your brain? Want to join in the Sunday fun? Click the badge below and link up:

6 Little Words

Today I am linking up at Mama Kat's and participating in her writing prompt. It's a good one...a 6 word memoir. Can you sum up a moment in your life in just six words?

To join in and read all the prompts, click the button below:

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Future is Now

This has been a long week. And a hard one. I don't know if I should even be talking about this on a blog, but I figure it will be therapeutic in one way or another. It's on my mind and I need to dump it.

 

Back when our little girl was born, my in-laws came to help with her brother. It was at that time that my FIL began not feeling well. Upon returning back to North Carolina he went to see a doctor. After several test it was said he had something called boops. Google it. It's some sort of respiratory illness. He was given meds and had weekly visits to check up on him. He main issue was feeling winded after doing nothing but walk across a room.

He didn't get better. He had more off days than not and after almost 2 months they saw something that had not seen before. They scheduled him for an open lung biopsy. And now? Now he has lung cancer.

Cancer. It seems to be everewhere you turn lately. YOu can't turn on the news without hearing about something that may or may not cause cancer. Smething that may or may not help prevent it.

My husband and I have talked about our parents getting old. And now that we have our own children we want them (our folks) to be able to see them grow up. We don't want to see our parents get old but at the same time we know it's inevitable. We see it happening right before our eyes and try as we may, we can't stop it.

But I thought it was something that we would have to worry about in the future. Years from now. But it seems for today...the future is now. 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post at www.allthingsfadra.com.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Sleep

 

I admit, I have always loved sleep. I could sleep anywhere and at anytime. My favorite sleep? It occurred as a kid when we would be driving home from the beach. My mom would always have a snack we could eat on the way home and we would eat and then fall fast asleep. There was something about playing all day at the beach that resulted in the best sleep on the way home.

When I got pregnant the first time, I began to have a harder time sleeping. And this was before my bladder had a person dancing on it. I would wake up around 4 and stay up. I don't know if it was nerves but that was the beginning of the end.

Now I long for a good nap and a good nights sleep. I can't remember the last time I had either. Before baby #2 arrived I tried to get as much rest as I could. But I still had issues falling asleep and staying asleep. I didn't look forward to the newborn sleep deprivation I would be facing head on. Add to it a toddler that refused to sleep more than 10 hours and gets up multiply times a night and well, I am in Dante's Inferno.

That's right, I feel like I am in hell. Or pretty close. Losing sleep. Getting a few hours here and there. Waking up cranky. Going to bed cranky. Feeling like I could fall asleep standing up if I don't watch it. Sleep...sleep use to be a friend of mine. I know that eventually the hardest part about a new child will eventually give way to sleep. But does it have to take so long???

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The Red Dress Club and Red Writing Hood

This week I'm linking up with the folks over at The Red Dress Club and their Red Writing Hood prompt.



This week's prompt asked you to begin your piece with the words, "I could never have imagined" and end it with "Then the whole world shifted." 600 word limit.

I could never have imagined.

That I would be that girl that would never have a real boyfriend until I was in college. I spent most of my child and teenhood mooning over pictures of Kirk Cameron, Corey Haim and NKOTB. I imagined what it would be like to have one of them as my boyfriend because my parents didn't want me to date until I was 17. I started college the fall I turned 18.

I didn't know what I was doing and was to naive to really care, I felt free. Free to do what I wanted and pick who I wanted and date. And date I did. I dated winners, I dated losers. I date boys that were somewhere in between. Nothing ever became to serious until the night I met Jed.

I remember thinking his name was funny and surely it was fake. He wasn't too tall and had a muscular frame. It reminded me of Marky Mark's body. I remember it being a freezing night in Boston and somehow I had coerced my roommate to make the trek to one of the local clubs. I think it may have been a Sunday.

Jed proved to be the first guy who took me seriously and who took our relationship seriously. He was kind and sweet and sappy. He enjoyed spending time with me and showed me that not all boys are jerks. I remember that he always used Carmex lip balm and I remember I began using it too.

We had started dating before Valentine's and it would be my first real Valentine's with a partner. I didn't per say hate the day but it wasn't my favorite…except for the chocolate. I had no shame in buying myself a box and eating the whole thing. I think I may have even bought myself flowers, no a whole bouquet but enough to cheer me up.

And then came Jed. I remember waiting all day for something…a card, a balloon, flowers. Day turned to night and still nothing. My roommate assured me that he would do something, to be patient. Patient I was not…I had someone that cared for me and that was the day to show it. Finally fro up the street I saw him, carrying a large balloon and flowers. I met him at the door and remember how the cold air swirled around us as we hugged. We went for a walk that night and he told me how he loved being with me and spending time with me. He gave me a beautiful card and to this day I still have it tucked away. It is the only thing I have ever kept from previous relationships.

We dated for several more weeks, it may have been months. I remember him telling me that soon he would turn into an a-hole and he didn't want to hurt me…then the whole world shifted.