Wednesday, July 13, 2011

How Do You Know?

O.K., so I will go ahead and put it out there....I am not a writer. There...that's done, just so no one has their expectations too high. However, the blog needs a post, and Mommy is at home with an upset little girl who got shots today. And Daddy is not there to help, so here it goes.

Speaking for/to the dads out there, how do you know you are doing a good job? And what exactly constitutes a good job when it comes to Dad? I constantly lie in bed, wondering, how well am I doing? It seems as if there are never enough hours in the day, and for me personally, never enough days in the week, as I am usually on the road at least half of them. It's easy to watch mommy as she goes through the daily grind, knowing virtually everything she does is for her babies, and know WOW! she is doing an awesome job. For me not so much. I am away, days at a time. Time that I cannot regain, no matter how hard I try.

When I get home, all I want to do is spend time with my babies. And I try. And life still tries to get in my way. All the things that had to be done before kids still need to be done. Been gone for 4 days? No matter. The grass still needs to be cut. Bills need to be sent out, more time taken away. Something broke? Someone has to fix it. Trash, groceries, cars, and all the random things that pop up seemingly everyday that have to be done. I try and make time to play outside, go to the pool, or the park, or something. If nothing else, take little man with me to do least I have him with me.

I try to convince myself that a good dad makes sacrifices. Mine is making it so mommy can be home with our children. Mommy will raise them rather than someone I don't even know. Making it so they will have the ability to go to college, without a burden of debt just so they can make it in this world. Giving them all of what they need, and a little of what they want. I feel like as a dad, this is my job, my responsibility. I don't mind it at all, I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to do such things.

Sometimes I just wonder if I am hitting the right balance. I lie in bed and I KNOW mommy is doing a great job. I just want to lie there and know that I am too. How do you know?