39

39 is the age I turned this year...back in October. I had all the best intentions of blogging about my day and how I felt knowing it was my last year in my 30's and then like always, life got in the way. 

There was a time that I would put the kids to bed and hop on the computer and get things done. Now? Now I put the kids to bed and just want to crawl into my own bed with the TV remote or a good book. Or sometimes I just want to catch up with the husband. But the best nights? Those are the nights I actually pass out with the kids and sleep until morning. Or 3 am.  And then I will catch up on things I meant to do on the computer but blogging is never first. And so it falls to the wayside. I'm okay with that because I am doing what I want to do when I want to do it. Catch up on sleep? Why not. Read a book? My fave thing. Talk with my husband? With no kids to interrupt, it's divine.

I spent my birthday morning at the salon after having breakfast with the husband. There is a place called Great Harvest that bakes fresh bread, muffins, and scones daily. Talk about walking into a place that smells great. I could work there...as a taste tester. They also give samples that are actually pretty decent in size. It was nice to just sit and talk and sip a cup of coffee without hearing "mom, mom, mom" a bajillion times.

When I think of birthday traditions, I realize mine is being at a salon. I have been at a salon on my birthday for the last 4 years. Sometimes it's for a just a cut or a blow out. But this year I went and had some color. I was itching to get away from the dark dark brown that is my natural color. Now when the sun is shining bright you can see a dark auburn in my hair. Occassionally it still shocks me but I love it.

You can't really see it in that picture but that was me on my actually birthday, so it will do. I thought I would go with a more drastic change but I didn't want too much upkeep. So here I am...39 and feeling fine. Let's see if I can not let another 42 days pass before I update again!

Wordless Wednesday

Finally a picture where I don't look like utter crap...

Teagan and I - September 2012

What Happened Was...

See, I've come over here several times this month to get back on the blogging bandwagon and each time I was either interrupted or unmotivated. I want to be sure that when I am with my kids that I am giving them my attention. They require it for a full 13 hours a day! I know, I don't have to be in their face the entire day...but my reality is, I do.

In a normal day, when the husband is at work for 3 or 4 days and it's just me I don't have the luxury of letting the kids play together while I sip on some coffee and update the blog. Instead I'm sipping my coffee and playing referee. Or trying to keep the kids entertained and at the same time educated. There are days when I feel guilty because I so want Teagan to be enthralled by the TV. Just so I can take a breath and get through the 2nd half of the day. I just want 5 minutes where I can hear myself think without a little person invading those thoughts and asking why for the thousandth time.

And so the blogging has taken a backseat. I applaud those moms that can crank out entertaining, witty, funny post daily. I seriously thought I wanted to be that way too. But the reality is I want to be a good mom first and a blogger second. I don't want to look back at the time I've had with my kids and regret not being in the moment.

So that's where I am. Anyone still with me?

Miss Me?

So it seems that I haven't updated this blog for over a month. I kept meaning to come and update and then I realized how unstressed I was about it all and just let it go. A week turned into two and so on...

I wish that I could say that I was busy giving all my writing energy to NaNoWriMo, but I wasn't. I wish I could say that I caught up on TV and movies. But I didn't. I did manage to read a great trilogy (The Hunger Games) and I even managed to say good bye to some TV shows that were clogging up the dvr.

The best part? The best part has been that I haven't been stressed about it at all. I wasn't worried about stats or losing readers or any of it. Because in a month I finally realized that I was never blogging for notoriety. The only time I wanted notoriety? Was when someone else was getting it and getting cool things because of it. I didn't really want it. If I did, I would have kept up with that very first blog I started 7 years ago. I would have rolled with the blogger punches and come out on the other side.

In a month I realized that while I enjoy blogging, I enjoy creative writing more. I enjoy the who, what, when, where of a story. I enjoy creating characters and wondering what they are going to do and say. I enjoy fiction. Blogging can be fun but I know now that it isn't what I am best at. It is rare that I sit at mt computer and the words just flow into a perfect post. It is rare that what I post truly resonates with a reader. Maybe I have not been true to myself or my blog. Maybe I have been holding back. Either way, it is okay.

I'm hoping to streamline the blog and continue to blog, when it strikes me. But I'm not going to let it worry me if suddenly another month passes.

Daddy Duty

My husband is a great father and a wonderful Daddy. I am lucky, as he has always been hands on from the moment we knew we were expecting.

His jobs keeps him away from home anywhere from 3 nights to 5 and so when he gets home, he has missed out on a lot of little things. I say little because being with Spencer 24 hours a day, I see it all and usually several times a day.

But when Daddy gets home and begins to take over toddler duty, I realize that even though he is technically giving me a break...he makes it look easy. While I feel like most days I look harassed, he looks like this when taking an outing with the Boy:

See how cool and laid back this Daddy is? He's baby-wearing and yet his clothes are neat and his hat is in place. I have to think it's because the Mommy that we don't see in the picture is off to the side sweating, with her hair in her face and the baby supplies.

I think he has it so easy because I make it that way for him. That's right, I am admitting he gets to slide and it's all my fault. See, I feel like being a stay-at-home is a luxury, not my right. So when Daddy gets home, he should be able to relax and not have a certain munchkin all over him. Or watching certain munchkin should not be a lesson in patience. And so, this is where I step in to diffuse any situations, to redirect Spencer's attention, to make it easier on Daddy.

You know when I realize that I'm making it easy on Daddy? When he is gone and I'm left with the 30 pound toddler who refuses to leave my side. Our days usually go like this:

Except I rarely get to lie down and after I say what...Spencer says nothing and continues with whatever he was doing, happy that he got my attention for a split second.

So here I have a great Daddy and I am the one shortchanging him. I am not letting him rise to the occasion when the time comes and be Super Daddy. I guess I need to take off my cape and hand it to Daddy and be okay in knowing he can do this.

Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful Daddy's out there...but especially Spencers'!