Little bit of this and that.

So at night, when I’m just about to fall asleep or think I am, I get these great ideas for post and then I wake up and have nothing. What is that all about? If all my best ideas come late at night, I’m in some serious trouble!

I mentioned before that I thought having a preggo belly would mean instant camaraderie with other moms-to-be and that didn’t happen. Patty reminded me that as women, we are mostly catty, especially when it comes to things like weight. So instead of getting the look of knowing kindness, I was getting the ole stink eye as bellies were compared! Which is funny, because while I did compare bellies it was never with the stink eye, this is not to say I can’t be catty, because meow, I sure can, but I guess I just expected it to be different? It must be the false sense of everyone and their mother’s being happy because you are pregnant…even if they don’t know you, but it seems this is mostly online and not out in the real world. Strange, isn’t it? (Family doesn’t count…they are always happy!!)

I turn 17 weeks today and am anxiously waiting to feel baby move. There are times I think maybe I felt something, but it happens so quickly that I can’t be sure. Hubby and I have spent time poking and prodding only to not feel a thing and probably annoying baby at the same time. Poor thing...but this is probably the easiest poking and prodding he/she will receive.

I started doing a baby registry and have to admit, I was more excited about my wedding registry than this one. I mean how hard could it be picking out things for a baby? Yeah, well it’s actually a lot harder than I thought because you have to research. Thanks to recalls and crappy workmanship of certain items you have to be sure you get something that isn’t dripping in toxic paint or going to break apart as soon as you take it out of its packaging. This research is not fun and I’ve seriously thought about paying someone to do the research, brining me the results and then I can have fun adding the items to the registry. This shouldn’t be stressing me out, right? And yet every time I pull up the list I can’t help but feel my eyes glaze over and my mind go blank.

Achoo and other mom-to-be grumblings

So I’m waiting for the day I wake up and feel fantastic, like I can run a marathon and then come back and tackle a beauty pageant. So far I’ve got nothing. My appetite is mostly me just hungry…but for nothing particular. I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband who has been accommodating to all my meal issues, mostly be being hungry but not wanting a darn thing in the fridge or cupboards. Love you, babe!

Achoo…I have a sensitive nose and lots of things in the air tickle it many times during the day. This I am use to, what I am not accustomed to the sensation of wanting to hold my belly while I sneeze. And if I don’t, I feel like I’m going to blow out my va-jay-jay! What the heck is all that about??? And to top it all off I was a light sneezer…I think it’s been referred to as petite. (Um, just go with it.) I hate sneezing and attracting attention and making a lot of noise, so I would do it almost incognito. Not anymore! Now I’m holding my belly and blowing houses down. It’s very attractive to see and hear.

I said I wouldn’t talk about my day to day pee escapades, but here they are. I can’t stop going and going and going. It doesn’t matter if I drink or don’t drink; I am spending half my day with trips to the bathroom. This is not fun and I don’t expect it will be any more fun when I have 7 pounds of baby fighting for room with my bladder. I think about that and cringe and honestly if I think about it too much I will end up in tears. This would be ok, because in a few minutes I will have to pee again and I can wipe away my tears at the same time.

I have a friend from college that is pregnant with her first child after several years of trying and she wants to be helpful…but instead of asking me first what my position is on certain issues I get inundated with emails full of links about articles/videos/websites that I MUST visit. And she sent me her birth plan, which freaked me the heck out! It was so detailed and honestly came across rather condescending. Or maybe that was just me? I know if I was the nurse/doctor looking at this I would roll my eyes. She wants everything to be natural, no drugs unless absolutely necessary, no time away from baby, father should be with baby if mother cannot, no bottles, sugar water, etc. I was overwhelmed by it, mostly because I’m nowhere near thinking about a birth plan. I replied that it was detailed and I was scared. She laughed it off and said it was because she was PARTICULAR. Now this made me feel like an idiot because honestly? If I could not read a thing about pregnancy and birth and let this all just happen, I would…that’s probably as far from particular as you can get. She did at least tell me she was overwhelmed by picking a stroller and baby seat out, but I don’t know if it was suppose to make me feel better or not.

And finally, we are coming close to the time to tell our folks and soon they will join you all as readers. Have we come up with a plan to tell them? Um, that would be no. We’ve been tossing ideas back and forth and while I’m game for anything, Hubby is not. (sorry Hon, but this is the impression I get) At this point I’m all for blurting it out over a meal as I ask for someone to pass the bread.

Will this book change our life?

For a long time I really thought I never wanted children. I went through most of my life with this thought. Even when my mother would tell me that I would meet Mr. Right and that would change. I rolled my eyes like I'm prone to do and just nodded no. This wasn't going to happen...kids were cool, as long as they were someone elses.

And then it began to change, just like my mother said it would. I fell in love with a great man and being with him, made me want to think about the possibility of expanding our family. Of course ar first these were just fleeting thoughts. A cute baby here, a smiling toddler there. Seeing them made me think that maybe, now with an awesome mate I could be ok with a baby.

When we got married we knew we would not be that couple that rushed into parenthood. We wanted to enjoy married life and our new home. Plus I still wasn't 100% convinced that momdom was for me. I mean let's face it, I can be lazy and extremely selfish. I would look at mom's getting out of their vehicles and shook my head as they pulled out strollers and bags and just looked harassed by the time they made it in the store. Or the families at dinner with a child wailing while patrons around them tried to act like it was ok. I thought about how I enjoy getting up on a Saturday and being able to just throw clothes on and go about my day. Or sleep in. Or stay up late reading, surfing the next or watching TV. All activities that revolve around ME and what I want to do, or not do.

So now we fast forward to 3 years into marriage and the talk and thought of parenthood is on the top of our brains. I assumed this was my biological clock ticking..telling me my eggs were getting old as I teetered on turning 33. Our families began hinting about it, as families will do. And so we began talking about it a lot more. I began looking at names and we began fantasizing about how life would change. We even came up with a plan...that fell by the wayside.

And so now into year 4 of marriage we are onto another plan...because in my world organization is key. I am sure a baby will disrupt that world...but now that we are ready, it won't be a bad thing.

Yes, there are still days I doubt myself. Can I really do this? Will I be a good mom? I think that to date is my biggest fear. Being a good mom. But I imagine this is a fear most women have and I guess only time will tell if I made it or not.

So here I am reading How To Choose The Sex Of Your Baby by Dr. L Shettles. Because even though you really can't plan for a baby, you can...even if it's all in my mind.