The Fantastic Four

Today I officially made our family the fantastic four. After Teagan was born we began our discussion about our kid population and both of us agreed that we were happy with two. I never thought I would have one and feel blessed and thankful with two beautiful children. No need to push the envelope and so, we are done. Permanently.

Today I had a procedure called Essure which if goes the way it should guarantees us that our family will always only be 4. The fantastic four. A nice even number. A number that will give us each a child to ride amusement park rides with and snuggle with when there's a storm outside.

As I sat in the doctor's waiting room I thought about how I was feeling and if maybe I wasn't ready for the finality of things. But I am. I had a certain calm wash over me and I never felt the urge to bolt. If I am honest with myself there is only one thing that makes me sad...that I won't ever have the joy of being pregnant. Because even with a first trimester of nausea  I still loved being pregnant. I liked knowing I had life inside me. I liked the concern people showed as I got bigger. I liked the attention. But I know deep down, 3 or more children is not for me. I'm getting older and want to be sure I can always enjoy my children not tire of them. Props to older moms, I just didn't want that to be me. I'm already considered an older mom but I didn't want to be that older mom. You know...the one that looks like the grandma instead of the mom?

I know as friends and family around me (that are younger...some way younger) begin to start their own families I will feel a twinge of jealousy. But when I look at my own family and see how we fit together, just so...I know I will be alright.

Surprise...we aren't.

That's right, we get to have this fun all again next month, as we aren't pregnant. I have to admit that I am more bummed than I thought I would be. But deep down I knew it didn't stick...I think innately you are supposed to know and feel different.

I mentioned my erratic cycle to the doctor and she didn't seemed concerned. She said I could just feel stressed. I don't feel stressed, but subconciously could be a whole other story. She also had them draw blood to test my thyroid, just in case. Hopefully everything is normal and I and my body are just being stupid-heads.

And speaking of doctor's, why does it seem that the ones my mother had always seemed to take more time than the one's I have? I feel I spend more time filling out paperwork and waiting than actually seeing the doctor. Does this change when you are pregnant? Do they spend more time with you? I feel gypped most times I visit any doctor or dentist!