6

That's right, December marked our sixth month here in North Carolina. And it is beginning to feel more comfortable. Though I will be over the moon ecstatic when we finally get into a house that is truly ours. But aside from that I think things are falling into a groove that is comfortable for all of us.

New Year's came and went without much fanfare and just as last year was a big year for us, looks like this year will also be big. Maybe big isn't the right word...full is a better word. We are now amping up our search for a home to buy and it's not as easy as it might seem. Tim and I go back and forth when trying to decide about long term. The only factor that is constant is that we know we want to stay in North Carolina. Do we stay where we are, do we move closer to the airport? Do we venture further from both (like we did in Georgia) and get more house for our money? And then there are the things we need in a house versus want. Those seem to change depending on the house we look at! Today we love a big yard and then tomorrow we don't. But in the end, I think we will both know when we have found our house...because it will just feel right.

And while we have a house search going on I would love to say that I found my niche and am surrounded by wonderful new friends for the kids and myself. But it hasn't happened. I was all gung-ho when we got here and then I began to doubt myself and how involved I really want to be. Call it a midlife crisis (40 is slowly creeping closer) or a motherhood rut. I've made a few friends but the reality is that they all have their own friends and it's hard being the new gal and wondering where and how to fit yourself in. So I'm back to the drawing board with that one. It really is hard to make new and good friends as you get older. Ugh!

The Fantastic Four

Today I officially made our family the fantastic four. After Teagan was born we began our discussion about our kid population and both of us agreed that we were happy with two. I never thought I would have one and feel blessed and thankful with two beautiful children. No need to push the envelope and so, we are done. Permanently.

Today I had a procedure called Essure which if goes the way it should guarantees us that our family will always only be 4. The fantastic four. A nice even number. A number that will give us each a child to ride amusement park rides with and snuggle with when there's a storm outside.

As I sat in the doctor's waiting room I thought about how I was feeling and if maybe I wasn't ready for the finality of things. But I am. I had a certain calm wash over me and I never felt the urge to bolt. If I am honest with myself there is only one thing that makes me sad...that I won't ever have the joy of being pregnant. Because even with a first trimester of nausea  I still loved being pregnant. I liked knowing I had life inside me. I liked the concern people showed as I got bigger. I liked the attention. But I know deep down, 3 or more children is not for me. I'm getting older and want to be sure I can always enjoy my children not tire of them. Props to older moms, I just didn't want that to be me. I'm already considered an older mom but I didn't want to be that older mom. You know...the one that looks like the grandma instead of the mom?

I know as friends and family around me (that are younger...some way younger) begin to start their own families I will feel a twinge of jealousy. But when I look at my own family and see how we fit together, just so...I know I will be alright.