Thursday, August 25, 2011

And The Truth Shall Set Me Free

So I'm going to go ahead and just be honest with myself. I think joining the gym was the wrong move for me. I haven't even been a handful of times and yet I can't make myself want to go. I feel fat and out of place. I feel like I needed to do something before starting the gym. Which sounds silly, right?

I am thankful that the husband hasn't said a word but I'm sure n his mind he is wondering what is going on with me and why did I have him waste money joining the gym if I'm suddenly not going to go. I look in the mirror and see a body I don't recognize and I know I need to do something but I don't want to do it at the gym. Where people can see me and judge. Where I'm trying to hide in a corner. Where I am comparing myself to everyone else. Where I feel old and out of place.

So what do I do? How can I get to a place where I am okay with the gym. Or do I give in to my discomfort and make a plan to work out at home? And then rejoin the gym when I've made progress? So many questions and not many answers...