Sunday, December 5, 2010

Stream of Conciousness Sunday: Out of Focus

Focus. It's a small enough word but can pack a lot of punch, especially if you have it. This week in accordance with my belly update post picture I realized I am feeling quite out of focus. Even on a good day, things can be blurry around the edges.



I remember after college being focused. Or so I thought. I sort of knew what I wanted but Iw as never one to look at the big picture. I really didn't have to and bought into the theory of living for today, working for today and the rest would fall into place.

But now that I am a mom of one and about to be a mom of two...I realized all along I've lacked a bit of focus. I was so sure things would fall into place and I would be able to handle it, that now I look around and realize things are slightly blurred. Out of focus, so to speak.

With a second child on the way I can't help but feel like I am a parody of myself as a mom. Am I doing it right? Am I caring too much? Am I not caring enough? Why does it seem everyone else is somewhere that I am not?

Truth be told I am scared. I am scared that baby girl will arrive and I will have a meltdown. I am scared that Hubby will leave for work for 4 days and will come back to his wife in an hot mess. A bigger hot mess than usual.

I want to be in focus. I want the edges to not be blurred and my mind to clear of the thoughts that are causing it to remain out of focus. I want to be okay with things that are coming.

Want to join in the fun? Head on over to All Things Fadra and link up. It's a great way to write without worry. Except for that 5 minute time limit.

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