Monday, December 6, 2010
My Monday Musings
This week's muse is brought to you by grandparents. I usually don't talk about family, especially if it may appear to be negative but this week I am going to go out on a limb and just do it.
I don't really remember my grandparents at a young age or as a small child. It seems I just remember them as I was a bit older. I remember it wasn't my favorite thing to go visit, because truth be told? There wasn't anything fun to do at grandma and grandpa's house. The only time it was fun? If a few of my cousins were going to be there.
I vowed things would be different for Spencer (and eventually baby girl). His grandparents are young enough to want to have fun with him and spoil him rotten. He doesn't have to sit still and behave or not be heard (children should be seen and not heard mentality). He can run and jump and scream. It's great, even if I do spend time trying to make sure he doesn't break anything. But it's a big change from how I remember visits went for me as a kid.
What hasn't changed? This need for grandparents to demand kissed and hugs from the little ones. The urge to want to just eat them up as soon as they walk through the door, honestly? Bugs the crap out of me.
I remember having to be told to make sure I kiss and hug grandma/grandpa, etc. I hated it. I grew to resent visits even more because of it. I didn't want to smell the perfume or feel the scratchy whiskers. I wanted to hug and kiss them because I wanted to, not because I was told to.
It is this reason that I will never force my kids to kiss or hug their grandparents if they don't feel like it. Be it that they are in a cranky mood or just a mood period. I want them to be excited to see their grandparents and want to love on them. I don't want to see crying faces as grandma comes in for a kiss or forces one to be given. Cajoling him into it by pretending your sad or your feelings are hurt? That's manipulation and it isn't fair to him.
And shouldn't grandparents want the same? I understand loving your grandchildren to pieces but making them do something they don't feel like? How is that helpful? It's one thing to make them mind when they are doing something dangerous, but avoiding kisses and hugs? It isn't hurting anyone.
Maybe I am weird in thinking like this? Anyone else feel the same?