Sunday, June 26, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: In a Rut

Haven't done this one in a while...mostly because when I do have 5 minutes I don't want to spend it sitting in front of the computer.
I'm sitting here thinking about how fast 5 minutes will go and what I could be or should be doing instead of just sitting here. I've had a ot on my mind lately but it all comes back to the motherhood rut I seem to be in. I want to shake the rut, snap out of it before it breaks me. But honestly? I don't know where to begin. I've complained that it's like a perpetual groundhog's day around here and it is. We get up, we eat breakfast, we play, we watch TV, time for lunch. We eat, I dream about the kids napping, time for snack. We play some more, I hand Spencer the iPad, he plays, I console Teagan. Time for dinner. Teagan decides she wants a nap before bedtime and I am at wits end trying to give her waht she wants, cook and feed Spencer and clean up the kitchen. Bath time comes and inevitably someone ends up whining. Finally...my day is done and all I can think about is lying in my bed and listening to the silence. That is my day...every day. I don't take time for me becausw when my husband is gone, there is no real time for me. And when he is home? I am so tired, so burnt out, that I don't even know which way isup. The other day we went out to eat a late lunch and I forgot diapers and ended up bawling at the table because I felt like a failure. Ugh...so frustrating. And yes, I know things will eventually get better...but right now? In this moment? They are overwhelming and suffocating. And I feel like a hamster on a wheel.

*ding* There was my 5 minute brain dump. Want to release the hounds in your mind? Click the badge below and link up!



#SOCsunday

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