Monday, October 6, 2008

Ok, so before you get pregnant all those that have gone before you are nice about the changes that happen to your body. They don't scare you with the truth of it all. Unless you have some really, really good friends or open family that will tell you how it is in graphic detail. Not a problem, I am all for graphic detail. I'd rather know exactly how it might be than to wake up one day and wonder what the heck happened or is going on. And then you Google your symptoms and realize the internet is a bad, bad place!

But what no one care prepare you for is for when those actual changes begin to take place and you look in the mirror and realizes someone has stolen your body! Invasion of the body snatchers because the boobs in the mirror surely can not belong to you! Remember when you were young and giggled at the women in a National Geopgraphic with long hanging breast and big areolas? Yeah, not so funny when it's you!

Then you try and look at your feet and realize to do so means you have to bend forward. And guess what bending period is no longer easy. It takes finesse, especially to go way over. Same with bending down, suddenly a movement you've taken forgranted has to be done with the same precision as a sumo wrestler. That's right folks, bending down requires strength in quad muscles I have long forgotten. And it's not a pretty sight to be hold.

Want to know what else isn't pretty? Not being able to look at your va-jay-jay. No amount of bending over will help with this one. But that's ok, I didn't need to look down there for the next 4 months anyway. I guess as long as I don't suddenly sprout a 3rd arm from there, things are good.

And then there is my favorite...the labored breathing. Ok, that's a nice term for it, what I really mean is being out of breath. After simple walking! Remember that spoiled dog I mentioned before? Well he is use to being numero uno when we wake, which means he wants us to hop out of bed, brush our teeth and immediately take him for a walk. Don't pass go, don't collect 200$, just go immediately to jail for a walk. No biggie, right? What better way for me to pretend I am staying in shape by doing the dog's bidding! This is good until we hit a small hill and at the top of it I am gasping for breath like a fish out of water. But this not only happens then but also when I go upstairs too quickly or even move a wee bit to fast. Yay for feeling out of shape instead of pregnant because that's what it feels like. And then I have to remind myself that I'm breathing for two and not really a lard a$$.

And as I think about all these changes and cringe at them and wonder how I got myself into this mess (all Hubby's fault, it always is) I feel a flutter and a jab and it's all forgotten as a smile as big as the sun takes over and I realize in the end it will all be worth it.


  1. Yeah.. you've about covered the biggies... of course sometimes there are hemroids, heartburn, siatica, pee-sneezes....

  2. OMGosh. Lizzy is right on. Heartburn is a biyatch and the pee-sneezes. Oh yeah baby! LOL

    Like you said though, it will all be worth it. Every single "ugh" thing!

  3. You ain't seen nothing yet... wait until the third trimester gets here. lmao. Yup, I remember the shortness of breath issue all too well. I had that bad with Braedyn, and even worse with Chase. Just walking from one end of the house to the other had be panting heavily. It was a truly sad situation!

  4. oh yeah, the breathing. I hated that. Kelton tried to crawl up on my ribs a few times and then breathing was painful. The second time he did it (in late second trimester or early third), I pushed back trying to coax him off my diaphragm. When that didn't work, I went to the freezer and got out a packet of frozen veggies and placed them right across my used-to-be upper abs across my diaphragm. He was off my ribs in 5 minutes and never bothered me again there. Mean? maybe. but I could breathe. :P

  5. Oh it is sooo worth it!
    Thanks for stopping by & showing some bloggy love on my big SITS day!

  6. O my dear the best is yet to COME! HEHEHE AH and the VA-JAY-JAY....yeah there is MORE to come in that area! IT gets all very puffy and HMMMM I forgot the correct term for what it was called but I was like OMG what is happening DOWN on my OB appointment the NURSE and DOC assured me that it was pretty normal...sort of like engorging of the va-jay-jay....IT went back to normal after birth. HMMM lets see what else....yeah the Hemis are real fun...OOOO I will be a little personal here...I did have the HUBS you know shape up the VA-Jay-Jay before birth. YOU know a nice haircut and made it presentable. HE loved IT and still asks on occassion if there is anyway possible that HE may assist me in that again...LOL LOL LOL OK TMI but I hope you laughed anyway!

  7. Aren't the changes nice? I had to limit my Internet searching because I would worry myself sick. There's a book called The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine. It became my pregnancy go to guide. She doesn't mince words about what happens to the pregnant body.

  8. My husband used to get the biggest kick out of watching me picking things up. I always had to spread my legs really far so I could bend down. Even worse is when you get too big to cut your own toenails and shave your bikini line. I had to ask my husband for help with that.

    I didn't have any breathing problems that I remember, but the heartburn was HORRIBLE. I ate TUMS like candy. At least it stops the minute you give birth. And the back pain at the end of was a real bitch. I did the whole frantic nesting cleaning two days before the baby was born and thought I was going to die. Note to self: hire someone and kick your feet up.

  9. Back a few months ago just before my young dear friend was to have her first child, I sat her down and and told her everything I wished somebody, ANYBODY would have told me! LOL Bless her heart, I didn't mean to get her all teary eyed but I also did not want her to come back grip'n about the books didn't say this or that! She was thrilled though that she remembered to take her OWN sanitary napkins with giant eagle wings after she saw the industrial banana shaped ones the hospital offered! LOL

    She called me the other day asking (I could hear the quiver in her voice) for more info, "Puh-lease tell me when they start to sleep through the nite!!!

    Between HBM & my dear friend struggling so much with sleep issues, they have killed every ounce of baby fever I ever had left!I am just so glad we were blessed with our pink & our blue so now we can be through! ;)

    PS - I found you while checking out Lex's designs, way cute layout!

    Oh, and congratulations on your little bundle of blue! *Quick tip, Carter's Outlet has the *sweetest* collection of little boy clothes than anywhere I've seen (they are so easy to mix& match too!) and they send you tons of SUPER email coupons for up to 60-70% off of their already super low prices! And as they grow check Ebay for NWT lots especially in the toddler years when they go through them so fast!I spent several whole entire days online fantasizing about our pink roses nursery and the selection of ruffly butt dresses would dance in my dreams! ;)

  10. I'm only 8 weeks and you better believe I don't recognize these two things sitting on my chest - you mean, they're going to get even bigger?? How is that possible? And how much happier will that make Hubby?? :)


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