This tired is different from the one I was feeling when we first brought the baby home. When he came home and I felt tired, I was also excited cause hello, I was a new mom and all of the things that went along with the tired were new and exciting. I didn't have time to think about sleep and rest and showers. I became part of the mommy club and I wanted to relish every part, no matter how hard it was.
Fast forward 8 months later and all that newness has just about worn off. I want sleep and not just a few hours at a time, but at least 9! I want to be able to run to the store and not worry about the fit he may throw before I get halfway through my shopping. I want to roll over in my bed and not worry that my movement will wake him before I am ready for him to be up! I want to be able to have family visit and leave him for an hour without feeling like someone is trying to suffocate me.
No one told me that I would turn into that mom. Yes, THAT one. The one that loves being home but at the same time is jealous of the friends that can still go as they please. Sure, I can still go but most of the time I'm too tired. I am the mom that has the baby in the bed with her because having him cry it out isn't an option. I am the mom that still can't leave him with anyone but daddy because the guilt of him MAYBE missing me makes me ill. Someome please tell me how did this happen and when will it go away??
I didn't read too many preggo/parenting books before Spence got here and the ones I did read where funny and honest. They would probably offend old school mother's with their words about motherhood being great but not 100% of the time. I have to agree, every day is a new challenge and a lesson in patience. You think you have it licked and then look in the mirror and realize you spent the day with baby food in your hair. I spend a lot of time seeing things from the babe's level and as I'm crawling on the floor or pulling him from the dog bowl for the umpteenth time I have to laugh. This wasn't in any book I read! Where is the book of instructions? Surely by now someone has created Baby for Dummies?
And in the end, when he looks at me and says "momma" and gives me his toothless grin, I smile back and the lack of sleep is forgotten; the food in my hair just a distant memory. I scoop him up and hold him close and memorize the way he looks and sounds because there will be a day he won't want to make me laugh or have me hold him close. There will be a day he declares himself grown and all I will have are these memories.