Saturday, September 20, 2008

Saturday Funny

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!20 My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary…

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good
little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

7 comments:

  1. I can't help but read the cat's voice as Stewie off of Family Guy. I love cats, but they sure can have attitudes. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is really funny! I have 2 cats at home, but just spent a couple of days with a Lab and a Springer Spaniel. Talk about Night & Day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is the funniest thing I have seen or read all day!!! And so true. One of my cats managed to acquire a UTI so he could be fed the high end food. Probably all in hopes that I'd let him run free outdoors... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh how FUNNY! I can totally here my snobby cat saying that same thing about his frenemy, the pug!

    Thanks for the laugh! I needed that today!

    ReplyDelete
  5. BTW, I'm starting a Great New Giveaway over at my place today, and there are SIX prizes to win! Come on by!

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL LOL LOL AS a MOMMY to FOUR CATS (better not call the kittys...as that offends)....I LOVED THIS!!!! TOOOO FUNNY....TOOO FUNNY.....

    ReplyDelete

Something to say? I love reading your thoughts!